My Immortal The Nerd Version featuring myself
by FallenHero93
Summary: Have fun while reading this parody of My Immortal, nerd stereotypes and myself. Enjoy, dearests!
1. Chapter 1

**Woohoo, so here it goes, darlings! A nerd version of My Immortal, featuring myself as the main character. Double Mary Sue-ness! Read and you'll be entangled in my own adventures in a nerdy-geeky version of the wizarding world. Here's FallenHero93 with all her silly fantasies, sarcasm and self-irony. Wow, were those 3 s's in a row? If you paid attention while reading My Immortal the original version, you will entertain yourself by finding the parts I changed and/or I made fun of.**

**But let the fun begin. Yeah, I tend to talk a lot sometimes.**

AN: Special 10x (get it, coz I spend too much time on the Internet) to my friend (just kidding, I'm forever alone. I would lol but that's a bit sad) Microsoft Word, mathlover314 for helping me with the spelling. He didn't help with the story, though. You rock! Basalt, you're a rock too! Granite rocks! Geddit.

Hi, my name is Elise Chemistry Quantum Blue Valo and I have long ebony black hair (that's a bit of a pleonasm, but it sounds cool anyways) with no streaks and curly tips **(AN: That's so close to reality that I'm a bit scared) **that reaches my mid-back and dark eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Marie Curie (AN: if you don't know who she is, you don't know your science). I'm not related to Ville Valo but I don't wish I was because he is a major fucking hottie, but if I were related to him that'd be incest.

I'm not a vampire **(AN: meh, I hate vampires)** but my teeth are straight and white. I have slightly dark skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in Scotland where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) (**AN: I'm actually a bit over 18 and a half, but let's stick to the original plot**). I'm a nerd (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love libraries and I buy all my books from there. For example today I was carrying a black chemistry coursebook with a matching cover on it and a black leather notebook, pink … Ah, forget that, I hate pink. So, a blue calculus book and a colorful edition of the Thrawn Trilogy. I was wearing no lipstick, no foundation, no eyeliner and no eye shadow. Honestly, why would I put all that stuff on my face? I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very puzzled about. Sleet at this time of year? **(AN: I was really into studying weather a few years ago. But I loved tornadoes, not rain or snow)**

A lot of preps and goths stared at me. I put up my science book at them.

"Hey Elise!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy!

"What's up, Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said, pretending to be shy. I was actually wondering what the hell had happened to him.

But then, I heard my teachers call me and I had to go away. That hadn't been too much of a dialogue.

AN: Is it good? Please tell me, 10x!

**AN: I named the My Immortal myself "Elise" because lots of people have mistakenly called me that in real life. Also, while re-reading the clothing/book description, I remembered that the Japanese word for pink is, surprise or not, "pinku". I just love these borrowings from English – they make the whole learning vocabulary thing easier.**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: 10x to mathlover314 for helping me with the chapter! BTW: preps and goffs, stop flaming my story, ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. The weather at Hogwarts was getting ridiculous. I opened the door of my lab and drank some dihydrogen monoxide **(AN: water)** from a bottle I had. My coffin was black (which can also be called ebony) and inside it was royal blue velvet with green lace on the ends. I got out of my lab and took of my giant "Chemist and Proud" t-shirt **(AN: I actually want such a t-shirt)** which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a white lab coat, a heartagram necklace, latex gloves and the usual boring blue jeans. I put on four pairs of advanced algebra books in my hands and put my hair in a kind of messy bun because I'm too lazy to try anything else.

My friend, Ada Lovelace **(AN: The first computer programmer, in a loose sense. Also, Lord Byron's daughter)** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. I began to wonder how on earth did she open her eyes so late, but I wasn't gonna ask her. Maybe it's magic. She put on ... Wait, this is boring. I'm not gonna describe what she wore.

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. I kinda like Draco, to be honest.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

Wait, how did she know? Did she have telekin...Oh wait, wrong chapter.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. What a damn coincidence.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

I mentally rolled my eyes. Honestly, how much longer would that conversation be?

"Well, Depeche Mode are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. "How come the wizarding world approved? They're Muggles!" But I love DM. **(AN: I really do. They're super-awesome)** They are my favorite band, besides HIM.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. But I'm so indecisive, that I'll only tell you what I replied to Draco in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Stop setting the story on fire, goths and preps, okay? Otherwise 10x to the nerdy people for the good reviews! Thanks again Pidgeon! **(AN: geddit, instead of Raven)!** Oh yeah, BTW I do own this, but I don't own the lyrics for Depeche Mode. Otherwise I'd be on tour with them and not writing fanfics.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with normal heels. I can't walk on high heels to save my life. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets, just in case there was a pond nearby and I could catch some fish with it. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all these R2-D2 pictures on the back and front. **(AN: LOL that was so random)** I put on matching fishnets on my arms. Fishing does require a lot of tools! I straightened my hair and made it look all…well, straight. I felt a little depressed then, so I began writing fanfics. I read a depressing book named "The Bell Jar" while I waited for to upload my latest creation and I listened to some DM. I painted my nails with nail varnish **(AN: which I rarely do because I'm too lazy to care)** and drew TONS of heartagrams on them. Then I didn't put anything else on because I had ran out of ideas. I didn't put on foundation because I'm not interested in makeup. I drank some orange juice so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car which he had probably stolen from Ron. I took a moment to wonder how come that wreck was still working, but I quickly shrugged it off. He was wearing an Alphaville t-shirt (they would play at the show too), some generic black pants, no nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: Ville Valo also used to wear it, so it's cool, ok?).

"Hi Draco!" I said in an excited voice to match the exclamation point.

"Hi Ebony," he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 3.14159) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to HIM and Evanescence. We both reprimanded the goths that smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car, but NOT before having it land on the ground, otherwise we'd have both plummeted to our deaths. We went to the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Depeche Mode.

"I'm taking a ride  
With my best friend  
I hope he never lets me down again  
He knows where he's taking me  
Taking me where I want to be." sang Dave (I don't own the lyrics to that song).

"Dave is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the stage with his amazing voice. **(AN: Interestingly enough, most of my crushes have been on older men...and Dave Gahan is now 50, while I'm almost 19. I'm so weird.)**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we danced to the music. I had already caught on, but I wanted to manipulate him because I was slightly evil. Mwahaha.

"Hey, it's ok, I don't like him better than YOU!" I said, lying a bit.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. This was so OOC that I began to seriously think Draco had smoked some drugs from the goths before.

"Really." I said, crossing two fingers behind my back. "Besides, I don't even know Dave and he's 50 years old. I fucking hate age differences," I said disgustedly, thinking of how Dave looked like when he was younger.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. After all, I was in a fanfic with the smexiest character in the Harry Potter universe! So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some tea **(AN: like a boss)** and asked Martin and Dave for their autographs **(AN: I think I'd faint before asking Martin Gore or Dave Gahan for autographs, haha) **and photos with them. We got DM concert tees. I walked normally, but Draco crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, rising the probability of him having smoked those drugs - but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

**(Final) Author's note: How I love writing parodies! The lyrics mentioned earlier are of the song "Never let me down again", one of my favourites from Depeche Mode.**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I said stop incinerating, ok? Elise's name is Louise, not Mary Sue, OK? Draco is a fictional character and I'm the writer so that is why he's acting different! They didn't know each other before though, ok?

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer, but he first landed the flying car, then stopped it and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Elise?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. Draco might be a hottie, but one-word questions piss me off.

Draco leaned in extra-close and, despite thinking he was acting like Edward Cullen, I looked into his gray eyes (he wasn't wearing contacts because his eyes were awesome anyway) which revealed so much Slytherin-like sexiness and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly, just as I tried to say something, Draco said a nerd joke passionately. Draco climbed on top of his schoolbag and we started to talk about science keenly against a tree. He took off my Chemistry book and I took off his notebook. I even took off my pencils. Then he put his pen onto my notebook and we began doing homework for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an answer. We started to write everywhere and my notebook became filled with solutions to Chemistry problems. And then…

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

It was….Samuel L. Jackson!

**That, kids, is what you should do when alone with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Got it? *giggles*  
**


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